I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
