If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
