A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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