Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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