i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
he's single and there are thong briefs.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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