i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
