Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
