I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
