porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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