Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I am spending my child support on dildos
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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