I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I have so many feelings about this burrito
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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