we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
