so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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