Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
