shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
