My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
