girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
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