Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
