My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
That accounts for only three of the penises
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
