If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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