I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
