I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
