apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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