You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
