I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
