We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
