There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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