my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
