I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
