my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
