dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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