She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize