Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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