So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
