Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
