Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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