In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i've created a new STD.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
