Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
