Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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