Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
