I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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