im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
