you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
