i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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