So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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