If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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