Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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