Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
