trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
