if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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