Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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