I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
