No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
