Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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