I can feel you judging me through the phone.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
