I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
