now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
