I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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