Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize