Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
