I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize