New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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