I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
