That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
