I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
