I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
