I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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