Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
