I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize