I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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