I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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