Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize