you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize