My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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