He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
